“You’ll have to excuse me. I just found out I have cancer.”

26 Jun

There is an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry discovers that when he tells people his mother just died, they excuse him from things he doesn’t feel like doing. “You’ll have to excuse me…my mother just died. I won’t be doing much…for awhile.”

You think that would work for me?

Today I missed my sister’s bridal dress fitting because in my state of brain fog, I thought it was 30 minutes later than it really was. Plus I forgot how long it takes me to do my hair. On the upside, it gave me some time to run some errands ALONE, which never happens.

As I was driving, I started to get that panicked feeling again. It’s like my body is catching up to my brain. I started thinking about my life without a thyroid, and the pages and pages of information I’ve read in the past 3 days. Will I still sound the same after my surgery? Or will I be one of the unlucky ones who ends up permanently hoarse? Will I ever be able to sing or shout again?

Wait. Is that Britney’s “Til The World Ends” on the radio? I turned it up and rolled down the windows. I started to sing along, louder and louder. Oh, how I love to sing in the car! As I rolled to a stop light, I was seriously jamming…dancing like I was in the middle of the club, and yelling “oh oh oh oh oh oh oh OH oh!” Cars full of people were staring.

“You’ll have to excuse me. I just found out I have cancer.”

After that, I sped down Mackinaw Road with my favorite karaoke playlist. I started with “Heartbreaker” by Pat Benatar. I belted out the words like I was performing a concert. I pictured myself in my childhood basement, singing along to my record player, and clutching the album cover that had Pat in her black tank top and leather pants. Next up was “In My Place” by Coldplay…from the Live 2003 album. I imagined myself back at Pine Knob…screaming for Chris Martin as he ran through the pavilion. Then I got serious with my favorite Journey selections…”Separate Ways,” “Don’t Stop Believin'” and “Any Way You Want It.” I’ve owned Journey’s Greatest Hits on record, cassette tape, CD and mp3. I’ve sung with Steve Perry while I curled my hair before the first day of 7th grade. I had it playing when I was crying over high school drama. I performed it karaoke at The Blackstone at CMU, while holding a $1.00 pitcher of beer. I sang it softly when my boyfriend Andy learned to play the whole album on the piano just to impress me. I’ve sung it with my kids on Rock Band 2, and scored 100% on the Expert setting. And my thyroid was there the whole time.

Will I ever be able to hit those big notes again? I guess I don’t know. So if you happen to see a crazy lady in a Chevy Traverse, singing her heart out and rocking out like she’s on stage, you’ll have to excuse me. I just found out I have cancer.

One Response to ““You’ll have to excuse me. I just found out I have cancer.””

  1. Kfanningcm June 26, 2011 at 4:05 am #

    You make me laugh!! Seriously, I still always think of you when I listen to Britney!! (Knock, Knock, Knock on the door….) But when you start talking about rocking out at Pine Knob (aka DTE)I laughed even more because I was there last night and also 2 years ago tonight, screaming my heart out to NKOTB on the same night that MJ died, please tell methat you were there too!!! It's good to have people stare too, so keep singing (and blogging too!!).

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