Archive | October, 2012

Surrender

19 Oct

It’s been two whole months since I’ve blogged. During those two months, I have been on a self-imposed hormonal roller coaster.

Remember how I said I couldn’t give up on losing weight and achieving “normal?” Since my thyroidectomy 14 months ago, I have tried the following thyroid replacement medication combinations:

  • 125 mcg Synthroid alone
  •  90 mg Armour Thyroid
  • 112 mcg Synthroid alone
  • 112 mcg Synthroid + 5 mcg Cytomel
  • 125 mcg Synthoird + 5 mcg Cytomel
  • 125 mcg Synthroid + GTA Forte supplements
  •  125 mcg Synthroid + 10 mcg Cytomel
  • 65 mcg Nature-Throid alone
  • 97.5 mg Nature-Throid alone
  • 65 mg Nature-Throid + 25 mcg Synthroid

Do you know when I felt my best? I felt the most “normal” on the very first dose of medication – 125 mcg Synthroid. I have spent the last 14 months in a complete state of panic, distrusting my doctors, self-medicating, and fending off impending weight gain. And as a side effect of all of my medication changes, I created the very thing I feared – weight gain. My latest conquest was switching to Nature-Throid. It took me MONTHS to find a doctor who would prescribe it. I worked so hard to stabilize my vitamin and iron levels first and I did everything by the book. And similar to my experience with Armour Thyroid, my body completely crashed, I started having extreme hypothyroid symptoms and I gained five pounds. Interestingly, my TSH stayed low at 0.43, but my FT4 was only 0.6. (Side note: this completely proves that you can be hypothyroid with a low TSH!) I tried upping my dose of Nature-Throid only to be greeted with extreme sweating and anxiety, and three more pounds. Then I tried combining a smaller dose of Synthroid with a smaller dose of Nature-Throid…all to no avail. Two weeks ago, in a fit of tears, I switched back to my old regimen: 125 mcg Synthroid + 5 mcg Cytomel. I am watching my calories very closely and burning at least 2000 calories a week through exercise, and so far, I have managed to lose five of the extra eight pounds I gained. I am beginning to feel better and most of my other symptoms are fading away. I also started taking Raspberry Keytones supplements, and I have no idea whether or not they are helping, or whether it’s the thyroid medication.

What I do know is that I have officially surrendered control. I am not a doctor and maybe I really don’t know what’s best when it comes to my thyroid replacement medication. As per usual, I took “being informed” into the extreme of being counter-productive. What if I had never messed with my medication at all? I may have been able to maintain my weight after surgery. The extra Cytomel would have resolved my lack of energy, and I could have been “normal” by now. Instead I endured 14 months of fighting, second-guessing, feeling good, feeling bad, losing sleep and gaining weight. So if this experience was supposed to teach me something, I suppose it did. My UofM Endocrinologist really is a good doctor. The first time I saw her, she told me the first year would be hard, that I might gain weight, but after a year, things would level out. At the time, I refused to accept that in my brain. My body, however, did exactly as she said it would. Before I switched to Nature-Throid, I was genuinely feeling good. Perhaps I was just about to turn a corner before I stepped in with my control issues and screwed it all up.

Can we pretend the last two months never happened? I promise I will behave this time.

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