Weighting

21 Dec

I’ve been on the reduced dose of 112 mcg Synthroid for almost a month now. I hate it. I am tired and freezing cold all the time. I have chronic headaches and a strange ringing in my ears. And worst of all, I never know if my clothes will fit from one day to the next.

As tempted as I am to take brown seaweed and black licorice supplements (Dr. Oz said they work!), I am holding to the promise of playing by the rules until my January 25 appointment. Hopefully by then, my labwork will match my symptoms. I have grand dreams of saying “I TOLD YOU SO!!” and demanding an upped dose of Synthroid coupled with T3 for energy. But if my labs are consistent, I will be stuck with what I’ve got.

I so wish I could keep everything in perspective, especially when it comes to the number on the scale. But I just can’t. I’ve gained 12 pounds now since my surgery. I am heavier now than when I came home from the hospital with a newborn. I really would like to hide this in shame, but in the hopes of recovery, I am putting it all out there for other thyroid cancer survivors to see. THIS SUCKS, and I miss my thyroid. I am not doing anything differently, and the weight just keeps magically appearing. Thyroid cancer = fat cancer, and I fear that no amount of medication will give me my metabolism back. This is like my worst nightmare coming true.

Or is it?

Last week, as we were rushing out the door for Ellie’s Christmas Concert, Mary smacked her mouth into our open TV stand door and severed her gums. There was blood everywhere. I didn’t know if I was going to pull back the washcloth and see missing teeth. And it was terrifying. In the end, she ended up with a bruised and puffy lip and an amoxicillin prescription. What would I do if something was really wrong with one of my girls? Or what if I was actually dying from my cancer instead of just growing out of my favorite pants? It’s time to put myself in check (again). I may be exhausted and fat, but at least I’m here

I can only control what I can control. It’s time to face the inevitable. It’s time to clean up my diet. Even if it doesn’t reverse the number on the scale, it might improve my energy level and my overall health. I eat a low-calorie diet, but it’s made up mostly of the four Cs…

  • Coffee
  • Coke Zero
  • Carbs
  • Cheese

I am meeting with a nutritionist in Thursday. My New Year’s resolution is to focus on my health instead of my weight. That is, at least until January 25.

Four months post-thyroidectomy

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One Response to “Weighting”

  1. Karen December 21, 2011 at 3:09 am #

    Keep with positive thinking….I know that sounds so easy…but I do think it works.
    Keeping you in my prayers. Have a very Mary Ellie Christmas 🙂

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